The Meaning of Life
This week, our community lost a truly special person. Jim Cunningham was a father, husband, friend, surfer, executive coach, college professor, mentor, warrior, brother, and many other roles that those who know Jim can add to the list. Being a coach and professor myself (Jim and I actually work for the same universities and the same coaching company), I have struggled with finding meaning with the death of such a dear friend. Victor Frankl, a scholar and survivor of the holocaust, said it best. In any kind of suffering or distress, if you can find or give meaning to it, this process should give you some peace. So as I reflected on Jim’s passing, and what it meant to me, I thought of three messages from Jim that he leaves behind as markers of how we should live our lives to give some meaning to all of this. The first message, get out of your comfort zone.
Jim and I would call each other a couple of times a week to check up on each other. We share a common bond across many of the previously mentioned roles; actually all of them. So we just “clicked.” Our conversations would range from professional, such as how to handle a difficult coaching client or student, to the latest workout techniques and what new adventures he was going to take Lin on that weekend. I thoroughly enjoyed all of our talks, and I will miss them dearly. During one such talk, Jim excitedly asked me if I had ever heard of Good Will Date Night. I had not. So he enthusiastically (those who know Jim know that when he talks, his passion flows from him in an indescribable yet totally real and genuine manner) about Good Will Date Night, the event where you buy (for 20 dollars max) an outfit from Good Will that your signifiant other has to wear and they do the same for you. You do this with a few couples and you all go to dinner at a really nice restaurant and here is the kicker; you don’t say anything to the wait staff, or anyone else who looks at you in a funny manner. You have to act perfectly normal. He also decided that it would be appropriate to end the night with all of us going to a Karaoke Bar and singing a duet with our spouses. I have to say that when Jim and Lin showed up at our house that night, Jim had on a pair of white rubber, water-proof fishing boots, red sun glasses, a red and white checkered shirt, and a crocodile Dundee hat, I knew we were in for a wild night! And it definitely was! If you are having trouble finding meaning in your life, get out of your comfort zone and try a Good Will Date Night Karaoke, just make sure you toast Jim when you do it.
The second message from Jim is this, leave people better than how you find them. I remember Jim and I did a 2 day executive training session in Arizona this past year. Jim went the extra mile to make sure that all the participants in that session had all the detailed and individualized information to make them more effective in their jobs and personal lives. When Jim gave his talk, you could tell that he had spent many hours preparing each of these profiles. I was impressed at how the participants in the room were positively impacted by Jim’s hard work and dedication. He made a tremendous impact that day, definitely left those individuals better than how he found them. Jim was really good at doing that. If you are having trouble finding meaning in your life, leave people around you better than how you found them.
The third message from Jim is always try and better yourself in some way. Jim would not want to take on coaching clients that did not want to better themselves. This was something that Jim prided himself on. Even though Jim was a seasoned coach but he and I took a coaching certification class together at Walden. He always wanted to better himself and he expected his clients to do the same. During the last conversation we had was last week, Jim called me because he forgot to tell me something really important. I answer the phone and Jim starts out with the same passion as Good Will Date Night Karaoke, about a new workout that he wanted me to try. It was very simple. Do 100 Squats with a 45 pound bar. He laughed and uttered expletives like “Dude” and “Yeah" as he told me that he couldn’t walk the next day because it was such a difficult evolution. Priceless. Always better yourself. Never stop. If you are having trouble finding meaning in your life, better yourself in some way like doing 100 squats with a barbell on your back.
These three messages resonated with me after I reflected on Jim’s life and everything he taught me. Number one: Get out of your comfort zone. Number 2: Leave people better than you found them. Number three: Always better yourself in some way. My sincere hope is that all of you can find some meaning in this tragic event. I know that is what Jim would want all of us to do.
Assignment
Find the three messages this week in your life. Get out of your comfort zones everyday this week. This doesn’t have to be something like Good Will Date Night Karaoke, although you won’t regret it if you do. Find something that you have never done before and go out and do it. This one you can do everyday, leave people better than how you found them. Go out of your way to be kind to people. It takes some effort, but go ahead and do it. You will thank Jim for it. Finally, do something to better yourself everyday. Go back and learn that new skill that you put on the shelf and have procrastinated doing. Learn that foreign language. Do something everyday that will better yourself. If you follow these three messages this week, your meaning will increase and you will also touch the lives of others, which in the end is the true meaning of life.
Dr. N