What's Old is New

What’s Old is New 

I have been surfing for 30 years now on and off, and the sport never gets old.  To paraphrase one of my favorite surf movies; surfing is a place where you lose yourself and find yourself, a true spiritual experience…We are lucky if we have passions such as surfing in our lives.  These can be anything, from cooking to photography to relationships with our significance others.  All of these passions require one thing in common.  They require work.  Without work, these passions soon become stagnant and eventually fade away into memories of what once was.  But what does “work” consist of?  What are the ingredients that we need to keep our passions alive and well, whether they are the passions that we sometimes call hobbies or the very threads of our friends and families?  The methodologies are the same.

Start with a goal

Do you want to become a better photographer this year?  A better dancer?  How do you define the term better?  Make sure that the goal that is associated with your passions passes the SMART test.  The goal needs to be Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Timely.  What is it exactly that you want to accomplish with the relationship with your spouse this year?  Be specific.  How can you measure the improvements that you will make in your schoolwork this year?  Is getting a B average good enough for you?  Is becoming a world class surfer attainable for you this year?  Or should you make an incremental goal of competing at the professional level only in the State this year, and making plans to expand to the National level in three years?  Do you have the time and energy to dedicate yourself to opening your own business this year?  Set a realistic goal based on your own capabilities in the now.  Finally, what is your timeframe for completing this goal?  Should you have weekly meetings with your spouse to make sure you are reaching your short term goals of spending more time together in the hopes of rekindling a relationship that has been ravaged by work stress?  All of these SMART factors need to be in place for your goal to be real and not just a pipe dream.  Everything that you do should have a goal attached to it, including your work and personal passions.  If you don’t know where you are going, then how can you expect to stay motivated in what you are doing?  Feeling calcified or bored with what you are doing?  Set a goal using the above guidelines.

Hold Gratitude in Your Vision

Without gratitude, our passions can quickly turn into frustrations.  When we are frustrated with our own passions or are unable to partake as much as we want to in the things that we like to do, we grow resentful and often undermine the very things that we wish to practice.  Keeping a grateful mindset deflects any negativity that you may hold towards your passion.  For example, if you concentrate on the negatives of how you are not able to perform on the shooting range, you will not be able to shoot well the next time your go to the shooting range.  If, however, you decide to be grateful for the fact that you know how to shoot and that you are improving your dry fire techniques in order to maximize your time doing live fire, then you turn the negativity into a more positive outcome.  When you get frustrated with your spouse, remember why you got married in the first place and the first time you fell in love.  Be grateful for the fact that you have someone that loves you unconditionally and has been there for you through thick and thin.  Holding gratitude in the forefront of everything that you do will fuel your passion to higher levels than you ever thought imaginable.  

Try Something New

Rekindling and old relationship with something new breathes new life into passion and keeps your brain from becoming stagnant and calcified.  Making new pathways is possible, even with old relationships.  Back to surfing.  I recently decided to upgrade my surfing to a more high performance board that I was not sure if I was ready to ride.  At the advice of one of my more experienced surfing friends, I tried surfing on a shorter, wider, and more volumetric board than I had done in the past.  Although I loved to surf, I had become stagnant and set in my ways when it came to riding boards.  I hesitated to ride anything shorter than 10 feet in length (we are talking stand up paddle surfing here, so for those that are pure surfers I know that 10 feet seems long to you).  When I finally rode a board that was 9’5” I was blown away by the performance, stability, and my ability to pull some pretty radical maneuvers almost naturally (30 years of experience finally pays off!). Trying a new board was all it took to do that.  Rekindle your passion with something new.  Perhaps take a class that is related to your passion.  Read a book.  Go on a new vacation.  Cook a brand new recipe.  Whatever your passion is, try something new with it.  

It Takes Work

Lastly, work drives your passion to fruition.  We often think that passions just happen.  That is not the case.  Passion and work work in a circuitous way, where work drives passion and passion causes us to work.  The two concepts drive each other for the passion to be successful and rewarding.  Loving your spouse with all your heart takes work.  Period.  Becoming a great surfer or photographer or pick the hobby requires work.  Yes, the passion of a relationship will drive you to work hard; but, your passion alone will not help you through the down times when you don’t feel like putting the effort in because you are tired or distracted.  In those cases, hard work will drive you back into your passion and help you to succeed or get into a better position regarding your relationship.  

Assignment

Make a list of the passions that you have this week.  What are some of the goals that you wish to accomplish for each of them?  Remember the SMART concept and apply it here.  Are you willing to put in the work that you need to succeed?  What kind of work are you willing to put into your relationships?  These, without a doubt, are the most important elements in your life and will help you to achieve other passions.  Remember to inject new elements into your passions to keep them interesting and fresh.  Are you willing to put in the work?  I think you are.

“Lean into it!”

Dr. N

The Edge

The Edge

In my experience and research, I have found that the phenomenon of stress is necessary for our survival.  Without stress, humans would not be able to live on the planet.  Stress motivates us to act; you would most likely not get out of bed in the morning if you did not have stress nagging at you go to get up.  In that respect, stress is a good thing.  Stress is also necessary for our survival in that, during life threatening situations, it activates our fight or flight response.  Think about the last time you reacted quickly and effectively in traffic to avoid a collision; this is the fight or flight response at full throttle.  We were designed and hard wired for this type of stress.  However, if left to its own devices, the same stress that can save your life can kill you if you allow stress to enter (and stay) in your life.  Everyone has their capacity of stress that they can deal with.  Building resilience in the form of effective coping mechanisms can not only allow you to deal with the stresses that you have, but able to take on more stress and make it through what others may consider insurmountable situations.  Just like anything else, this just requires the necessary training and application of that training to make a stand against the more chronic stresses.  The build up of these chronic stresses in our lives can leave us on the edge of a breakdown at any given time.  One seemingly innocuous stress may push us over the edge.  We can, however, build resilience by following some simple directions and mitigating the stresses that we can control.  

Stress as a Challenge

One of the firs steps in controlling those chronic stresses is changing the way you perceive or look at the stress.  Seeing the stress as a challenge or a game is the quickest and easiest way not to let the stress get the better of you.  When we see something as a challenge, we activate our competitive instincts and figure a way to vanquish or “win” against the stress.  This gives your brain something active to do instead of sitting down and feeling sorry for yourself and giving up.  Also, if you do this long enough, you won’t feel stress anymore and actually start to feel excitement instead.  You start to feel as though you can conquer anything that gets in your path; this becomes a habit that will surprise you; all you need to do is start practicing, and it doesn’t matter how small the stress is, just practice this new philosophy.  

Getting Organized

We are all bombarded by things that we need to get done.  These tasks can cause a huge amount of stress.  Getting (and staying) organized is one of the best ways to be in control of your stress.  Remember that stress comes from undecided tasks and not undone tasks.  When you place a task into an efficient system that works for you, then even tasks that are not done don’t pose a threat to you because you know, eventually, that you will get them done.  Organization also becomes a habit.  Once you get organized, you crave that organization.  You may have not linked being organized to stress until now.  We may not be able to control all of our stresses, but being organized is certainly something that we can control.  

Getting Physical

We are all physical beings.  We were designed to move around, explore and manipulate our environment for survival purposes.  Our bodies response to movement, and so does our stress response.  When we exercise, we release endorphins in our bodies which simultaneously reduce pain and increase sensations of pleasure.  Also, when you are in physical shape, you are able to take on more physical stress and sleep become more effective.  Eating the right food, or fueling your body, is an essential part of getting physical.  You are less resilient and more prone to diseases if you don’t fuel your body correctly.  

Helping Others

Another key ingredient in staving off stress and building resilience is helping other people.  However, this should not be at the expense of helping yourself first.  Remember when you are on a plane and the flight attendant says to put your oxygen mask on first before helping you child’s mask on?  Why do you think they tell you this?  Because you cannot help your child if you are passed out on the seat because of low oxygen.  Help yourself first and then help others.  I think that is where many people get it wrong.  When you take care of yourself first with the intention of being there for others, this is not a selfish act.  In fact, it is a smart thing to do because you won’t be around to help others if you don’t take care of yourself first.  The buzzword in recent years is compassion fatigue, often describing individuals whose job it is to take care of others.  I firmly believe that compassion fatigue would be diminished if these individuals had a firm regiment of self care BEFORE they took on the task of helping others.  Put on the mask first.    

Being Grateful

Being grateful is a hidden characteristic of being resilient and reducing your stress.  By being grateful, we take attention away from all the negatives in our lives and we focus on the positives.  No matter what negative things happen to use, there is always a way to find a positive spin and find gratitude.  When we see events from a positive perspective and feel gratitude, we open our minds to the perspective that things are not as bad as they first appear.  In many ways, gratitude is the first step in living in the present moment as we take everything around us into our consciousness; this happens specifically when we are engaged in nature.  There is nothing more awe striking as watching a sunrise or sunset on the ocean and being grateful for the fact that you have sight.  This is just one example of how gratitude can affect our consciousness level happiness and help us focus our minds on what truly matters in life.  

Assignment 

How full is your cup of stress.  Recognize that if your cup fills up too much with stress, you may be headings for a breakdown in your performance.  We all have our breaking points and we may be closer to the edge than we think.  Taking a good account of all of your stresses is the first step in taking control of them.  Write down all of the things that are stressing you out on the left hand side of a piece of paper.  On the right hand side write down what you are going to do about it or what the next step in dealing with this stress will be.  Remember that ultimately, you are in control of your own destiny.  You are the captain of your own ship and you control the speed, the steering, the engines; everything about the ship is your responsibility.  Whether you let yourself fall of the edge, or navigate your way safely around it, is entirely up to you.

“Lean into it!”

Dr. N

Distracted Living

Distracted Living

Recently, a gentleman pulled up next to me in a vehicle at a stop light and I noticed that he had one cell phone in each hand, texting away on both of them at the same time.  Make no mistake about it, he was driving and when the light turned green, he pulled away still holding both phones!  I am sure you have witnessed something similar (or worse) in your experiences, either driving or perhaps walking down the street.  People are more and more distracted as they navigate their ways through life.  We often want to blame technology; however, just like anything else, we need to look into our own minds and see what is going on before we blame an artificial product that should not have control over us.

 Smart Cell Phones

2007 was the year that changed everything.  In 2007, Apple launched the iPhone, a revolutionary communication device using touch screen technology and had access to the Internet, hold all your music, and could make a phone call.  When it first came out, iPhone only sold on the AT&T network and sold 1.39 units.  In 2015, iPhone sales were 200 times what they were in 2007.  And the competition from other manufacturers is clear, with all the major companies having an iPhone life device in the mix.  Needless to say, everyone has a smartphone now.  The consequences to our distraction is amazing.  People carry their phones with them, usually in their pockets.  Whenever a notification comes in, you either get a vibration in your pocket or a beep; this constant distraction activates our dopamine system in our brains and we are compelled to look at our phones.  How often does this happen to you in a day?  When this does happen, do you break contact with the person that you are with to answer the call or look at the notification?  Perhaps you look down for a second while driving?  Or worse, pick up the phone and start texting or responding to a notification?  Being distracted is not only dangerous while driving, but it also sends an important message to other people that are in the room with you, “my phone is more important than you are.”   Think about that the next time that you look at your phone in the presence of someone else.

 Television and Movies 

While television can be a useful device, it can take control of your life and, in a sense, be even worse than a smart phone.  The images that one sees on television can affect us, both consciously and subconsciously.  Have you ever felt tired after watching a long movie?  Movies are so realistic and sometimes fast paced that they can leave you physically and mentally exhausted.  I remember feeing adrenaline flowing through my body after I saw the opening sequence of Saving Private Ryan for the first time in the theater.  I’ll never forget that experience.  Subject yourself to that too often and for too long, and your brain will start to flash back those images while you are going through your normal life.  Again, you will be distracted or get triggered by graphic memories of the recent movie of television show that you watched.  Remember that at the end of the day, we are tuned to see movement and focus in on it.  That is why television is so mesmerizing and addictive.  Our brains are drawn to keep watching, even though we may not even be that interested in what is going on.  The more movement the better; and our thoughts get hijacked as a result. 

Internet and Social Media

By having constant access to information at our finger tips, and having access to a network of thousands of our closest “friends” at all times, our brains are once again distracted by various software programs designed to keep us focused and staying online.  Social media programs such as Facebook make money by having us stay on their sites.  Getting and keeping our attention is their primary objective.  And they succeed at the expense of the real people around you.  Whether you are on a phone or compute is irrelevant.  The fact that you spend time on one of these sites, even it is in 10 second increments all day long, is helping accomplish the mission of these social media companies.  Remember that your brain does not multi-task.  That is a physiological impossibility.  You can only do one thing at a time.  While seemingly doing multiple things at once (checking a website or social media platform while talking with someone) you are rapidly switching back and forth and consequently burning energy in the process.  It’s no wonder that we are mentally exhausted at the end of the day.  Being distracted has a mental toll in that we burn energy every time we switch from one thing to another, and having readily available distractions at our finger tips does not help.

Speed

Years ago, we used to have Lay Aways at stores, where you choose a product, leave it at the store, and pay towards it for weeks and sometimes months before taking it home.  This was a form of delayed reward and taught us to wait and anticipate something in the future.  In today’s super fast paced world, the Lay Away concept has given way to getting Amazon to deliver your product the next day (I hear Amazon is working on speeding this up with drones soon)  and run up your credit card balance.  The speed the we do business is sometimes mind blowing.  I believe that this has had a direct effect on our personal lives.  We speed through conversations, dinner, phone calls, text messages, or any kind of activity that we engage in with others at the same speed that we expect Amazon to deliver our packages.  We have become habitually distracted  because we expect things to happen faster and faster, and what’s worse is that this is creating artificial stress when speed does not happen as we expect or want it to.  How often do you get to the end of the day and forget what you did at the beginning of the day?  Are the days blending together as you forget some of the important details and conversations that you had with the people that matter to you most?  That is the result of the distraction that occurred because you are going too fast. 

Thoughts 

The most significant impact is that all these distractions have a direct effect on our thoughts.  When our thoughts are affected and swayed by technology, we are thrown into either the future or the past.  Our thoughts are taken away from the present moment, whether that present moment is simply driving a car, talking or spending time with your significant other or child, or observing a sunrise or sunset. Remember that our brains desire to be fully engaged.  Dopamine is what makes this possible.  We enjoy an engaging conversation or even an engaging thought process.  Unfortunately, this engagement mechanism can be manipulated.  Hijacking and controlling our thoughts is what advertising companies and now social media companies are designed to do, often without us even knowing it. What you think about is very important and can directly affect your physical health.  Don’t let technology distract you into a state of unhealthiness, or worse, unhappiness.  

Assignment  

What is your screen time this week?  My screen time on my cell phone last week was 1 hour and 32 minutes.  Unfortunately, I spend a long time on my computer because of my job; however, making a conscious effort not to spend time on my computer in the presence of others is my goal this week.  Make a similar goal for yourself.  Refrain from using technology while driving or while in the presence of other people.  Remember that what you watch on television or in the movies has a direct effect on your thoughts and can distract you from what is really important, the relationships that you have with other people.  Spend less time engaged with technology and instead engage with others around you, even if those people are strangers, waiting in line somewhere or in a doctor’s office, for example. Technology can be a useful tool if used wisely, and you can learn a lot from watching certain programming.  However, don’t let technology become such a distraction to you that you forget what is most important in your life.

“Lean into it!”

Dr. N

Rough Seas Ahead

Rough Seas Ahead

It doesn’t take rocket scientist to see that we live in a stressful world.  No matter who we are, we are exposed to hardships and turmoil almost on a daily basis.  Some people definitely have it better or worse than others, but we all are exposed to various aspects of stress.  How we deal with that stress, defines who we are as fathers, mothers, sons, daughters, workers, brothers, sisters and human beings. The way we deal with the stress is known as a coping mechanism.  Coping mechanisms can be healthy or unhealthy.  They can be effective or ineffective.  The issue is that coping mechanisms that we think are effective may not be effective after all.  As it turns out, very few coping mechanisms are truly effective.  

Effective Coping Mechanisms

Most stress reduction classes talk about deep breathing and massages as being effective coping mechanisms against stress.  Although everyone loves a massage, coping mechanisms that don’t deal with the root of what is stressing you out are only temporary relievers of stress.  Understanding the underlying psychological underpinnings of your stress are the keys to effectively coping with the stress.  Developing cognitive strategies that replace negative, self defeating thoughts with positive, uplifting thoughts help us to take stress head on and conquer it.  Obstacles that cause us stress become challenges that we overcome instead of something insurmountable or scary.  This coping mechanisms is called cognitive re-training.  You can practice this technique everyday, but you need to work at it just like any other type of training.  

Non-Effective Coping Mechanisms

The trouble with traditional coping mechanisms is that they don’t work.  But even worse, they trick us in to thinking that they do work.  Even the so called healthy coping mechanisms like going for a run or getting a drink to relax, only mask and delay our effective coping mechanisms from working properly.  If a child is scared of monsters in the dark, you don’t go into her room and make her do jumping jacks or give her a shoulder massage to relieve her stress.  You turn on the lights and cognitive re-train her brain into seeing that there is nothing that is gong to hurt her.  In a similar way, you must do this in your own life.  You must re-train your brain into seeing stress for what it truly is, a self-manufactured entity that needs to be dealt with systematically and without emotion.

Despair Disillusionment and Over Driven Reward Systems

 We have come a long way as a human species.  As I mentioned in previous articles, around 70,000 years ago, we underwent a cognitive revolution that propelled us well beyond the scope of any other animal on the planet.  This cognitive revolution was both a blessing and a curse, because it allowed us to believe in systems that did not visually exist and gave way to our modern technological society which has virtually eliminated infectious diseases and child mortality in most of the civilized world.  However, with this advancement came a disillusionment of our own biological selves.  We have lost touch with what we truly are s humans, and our bodies have paid the penalty. Our technology in the form of television, video games, social media, instant gratification through shopping, has put our reward systems (dopamine) on overdrive.  We constantly need new and more exciting stimulation because we never have periods of rest and recovery.  As a consequence, we are constantly stressed and pushed towards a state of wanting more and more.  Moreover, life style diseases such as Type 2 diabetes, heart disease, cancer, auto-immune diseases, suicides, alcoholism, opiate addiction; all these types of illnesses have made it to the forefront of human evolution.  Couple this with an insatiable appetite for media consumption which over drives our brain’s reward system, and you have a recipe for disaster.  It’s no wonder that our Nation’s life expectancy keeps decreasing in recent years.  For the first time in history, our children are slated die sooner than we are.  This should be a wake up call to us all that something needs to be done.  The research suggests that an overwhelming majority of humans are in a state of despair, or what I call a chronic stress response.  This leads to the above mentioned conditions and and worst of all, leads to a degrading quality of life that we pass on to the next generation in perpetuity.  Something needs to be done.

Resilience 101

Basic Underwater Class 89  made famous the SEAL motto, “The Only Easy Day Was Yesterday.”  If I had to name a motto that would sum up what resilience is all about, it would have to be that motto.  Resting on your laurels should never be part of resilience.  Humans always are looking for a challenge, that’s what we do.  That’s how we got to where we are today.  Think of the resilience that was necessary to cross an uncharted ocean back in the 1400s on a wooden ship.  That was the norm back then.  No satellite navigation; no Sea Tow.  Adopting a resilience posture and knowing that rough seas will always be around the corner sets us up for a challenging and rewarding journey into the unknown.  By building ourselves physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually on a daily basis, we are ready for whatever life will throw at us.  We learn from our mistakes and use effective coping mechanisms to navigate through the perils of our lives.  

Assignment and Reflection

Take care of yourself this week.  Use your technology wisely and judiciously.  Spend time with your family without technology, in the presence of pure nature.  Remember that 99 percent of stress is self manufactured.  If the stress is not going to kill you instantly, such as a bus about to hit you, then you are hurting yourself by letting your emotions get the best of you.  If you feel like you need stress in your life, take up an activity that will naturally challenge you in a healthy way instead.  Remember that whatever you do and plan to do, life will always throw you a curve ball.  Remember that making lemonade out of lemons and always being prepared for rough seas is the key to being resilient.  Easier said than down but “Leaning into it” is the only way to truly live your life to the fullest.  

Dr. N

6 Perspectives from the Eyes of a Child:

6 Perspectives from the Eyes of a Child:

Discovery

True Passion

Boundless Energy

Living in the moment

Simple Happiness

Embrace the Boredom!  

Discovery 

I remember a long time ago I was on a flight to Paris on a 777. It was an Air France flight and everything was in French. It was really neat to hear all the different sounds and I really got a kick out of it. As I sat there, really getting into all the new experiences, I realized that the person sitting next to me (French) was getting a little annoyed or was really surprised that I truly found this otherwise common situation interesting.  I remember speaking to him (in French) and he told me in a sarcastic way something like, "You are truly amazed at all these things, aren't you?"  The message here is to always continue to be curious about things. Take interest and fascinate yourself with the simple things.  The miracle of life itself.  The way your spouse looks at you.  The sounds of the rain hitting the roof.  By the way, this attitude is contagious.  Don't let the "adults" in your life tell you otherwise.  Try to get as many "grow up" looks as you can throughout the day.  You will know that you have accomplished the discovery mission.  I can’t tell you how many times my daughters have looked at me with excited huge brown eyes (with the exception of Elena whose picture is on this blog) at a letter in the mail box addressed to them or a frog found in the backyard. Make discovery a part of your life.

True Passion

My kids are very dramatic.  They will tell you about something that happened at school or at gymnastics and and the raw, innocent passion flows from their bodies.  The kind of passion academy awards are given to.  You see, Passion runs in my family and my wife’s family. The kind of passion that you see in busy Italian restaurants.  The "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" type passion.  You get the picture.  What stops passion?  Fear.  Fear of what people will say or think about you.  Passion is the closest thing you will get to literally being on fire.  It is the fun in being human.  Passion is closely linked to our emotions and our emotions both affect other people and affect ourselves as well. Passion has been known to ignite people, movements, entire countries.  The power of passion must be harnessed and practiced on a daily basis.

 Let yourself go; let yourself be a kid again.

An example of passion in my kids: the passion in the eyes of my son as he tells me “I am the fastest runner!” He then takes off (in the house) running at full steam. This type of passion is never lost. It lies in the deepest corners of our spirit. Tap into it. Let yourself really feel it!

Boundless Energy

My uncle once told me while looking at my velociraptors (that is what I call my kids), “if we ran around like them we would be dead tired.” The reason that kids have that much energy is that they don’t know any better. Ever notice how soundly they sleep at night?  Part of it is youth but from experience I know that the energy cycle is a circular one. The more we consciously do more active things the more energy we get.  And if you tell yourself that you are "too old" or "too tired" then you are.  Your body will believe whatever your mind says, so change the way you talk about your energy.  Proper nutrition as well as plenty of rest helps as well. If you have less energy than you want, change your lifestyle and be more active.  Free yourself from the mind crippling thoughts of things you MUST do or the negative feelings and get outside.  Maybe a series of activities throughout the day that are less intense will do the trick?

Living in the Moment

My son wants me to build legos with him all the time. When I tell him that I will come upstairs after I clean the kitchen he replies, “But that will be in a long time!"  Kids lack the concept of time. They know that things will occur in the future but they seem to have an unbelievable way of living in the present. You can see it in their eyes. Living in the moment ties to true passion. The sense of pure excitement when eating a brownie (what did he say?) The total concentration of pouring a make believe tea in a my little pony tea cup. The extreme joy when conducting the perfect canon ball into a pool in the summer.  Pure, in the moment type joy.  No past or future to bog them down.  No external thoughts or complications. Total concentration. I can learn from this. I really can.  Some of my clients tell me that children have the advantage of not having responsibilities.  This may be true but using adult experience and wisdom we should be able to mindfully practice the "smelling the roses" metaphor of living in the moment.  Right? 

Simple Happiness

My kids have a lot of toys. Not an overabundance but a lot of them. Some of the toys have over a thousand pieces in them, like some of the lego sets. Some of them are electronic master pieces, like the Wii. The most fun that I ever saw my kids have, however, was with a large cardboard box from the store. The kids immediately began playing with this box and pretended to be monsters coming out of the box. The simple fun that they had lasted for days and days.  They still gravitate towards cardboard boxes even now at the old age of 10!  So the "things" in our lives don't really bring us happiness.  It is what we do with the people around us that does.  Now "things" are great if they bring us closer to people.  But concentrate on the things and you are destined for an empty, unfulfilled life; that's an HPC guarantee.  This simple happiness mantra leads us to our final perspective, imagination.

Embrace the Boredom

“I’m bored”, is the joke that we tell our 18 year old daughter. The reality is that you want your kids to be a little bored, if not a lot bored. Boredom stimulates motivation and motivation stimulates creativity. Creativity sparks the imagination into gear.  With creativity and imagination, the prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain that is responsible for cognitive thought and is what makes us human) is working out during this time.  So if boredom leads to this in my child; let them be bored!  Always having something to do or a place to be will create confusion and a whirlwind in a child's brain as well as an adult brain.  It will also overstimulate the stress response because your brain will constantly be orienting towards a stimulus that it feels it should try to face and control.  Stimulate imagination instead through periods of reflection (even young children do this when they are allowed to come up with off the wall questions about certain subjects.) Embrace the boredom!

Assignment

If you have access to children, this assignment will be fairly simple.  If not, you will have to use your imagination.  The next time you are with a child, observe what they do.  Look at the wonder in their eyes and the boundless curiosity and amazement that they bring to the world.  Think of a time when you were a child and imagine yourself observing the world un the same way.  Look at all the marvelous patterns and colors.  Be amazed at the simple things in life: the way the web of life works and unfolds itself in front of you. Observe the smells, the sounds, everything around you.  Don’t think about complicated issues and let yourself be bored.  Write down the various perspectives in a notebook for a week.  If you need an outline, use the 6 perspectives listed at the beginning of this article as a guide.  Feel free to add more child perspectives as well.  

Until next time, take care, and look into a child’s eyes. You will be surprised at what you learn.

"Lean into it!"

Dr. N

The Journey

One of my favorite workouts of all time, The Journey, consists of the following:

Armenian ball walk 25 yards 

Tire flips 25 yards 

25 HPC kettle bell flips

Tire flips 25 yards

Dumbbell walk 25 yards

25 HPC kettle bell flips

Dumbbell walk 25 yards

Armenian ball walk 50 yards

50 pull-ups

Armenian ball walk 50 yards

Dumbbell walk 25 yards

25 HPC kettle bell flips

Dumbbell walk 25 yards

Tire flips 25 yards

25 HPC Kettle bell flips 

Tire flips 25 yards

Armenian ball walk 25 yards

The neat thing about this “Journey”, is that you end up where you started, at the beginning.  We call this, “full circle”, and ironically, it happens quite a bit to us in life.  We go on trips, only to return home.  We pursue happiness by taking on more and more responsibility at work, only to find out that happiness comes from simply “being happy” and has nothing to do with our jobs.  The journey, in that instance, may become elusive, or even pointless.  Understanding the various journeys that we undertake, both big and small, helps us to enjoy them just for their own sake, and has nothing to do in how or where we end up.   

Cherish the Journey 

Often, when we begin a journey, we anticipate and sometimes look forward to the end.  Believe me, after doing the above workout with many individuals, we definitely look forward to the end.  But is this something that we should do?  No.  Looking forward to the end of the journey takes away the enjoyment of being in the moment, of being bored, and of being tired.  What we fail to realize is that all of these feelings are the benefits of being alive.  Being alive and feeling the life flowing within you are two of the most important elements of the journey.  Once the journey is over and you realize your goal, it’s over.  You feel a sense of accomplishment but then you look for another journey.  Craving the end of one journey and moving onto another journey without enjoying the ride builds frustration, impatience, and negativity.  

Applying the Journey in Everyday Life

Taking everything as a journey can benefit you in the long run.  Even when going to work, cherish every moment of the trip.  From the roar of your engine to the way the sun hits your windshield; take in all of the elements of your trip and bask in them.  Stop light?  Not a problem, focus on breathing techniques to lower your heart rate or listen to that audio book.  If you start feeling negativity or impatience creep in, apply a dose of gratitude and awe and those feelings will subside.  The two bundles of feelings, negativity and gratitude, cannot coexist together.  When on the second half of the journey (the workout), your body starts to get really tired, especially during the middle sets of tire flips and pull-ups.  Instead of feeling sorry for yourself in that instance, focusing on the positive notion that you are still alive and still moving forward (even if others are moving faster than you) can help you get through the pain.  Moreover, being grateful that you are still alive and kicking is another way to conquer the pain and doubt that you get when you feel like you cannot go on.  This applies to life as well as the workout above.  

When the Going Gets Tough

When you wake up every morning, you begin a new journey.  Thinking of all of the things that you need to accomplish throughout the day can be overwhelming if you think about them all at the same time.  However, if you focus on one thing at a time, using an organizational system to keep you on track, the journey becomes easier since you are using a one step at a time process instead of looking at the entire day all at once.  This applies to the many journeys that we undertake, from workouts to losing weight.  Look at the individual steps instead of the entire elephant.    

Taking one bite at a time and enjoying each step of the journey is what it’s all about.  Make sure you enjoy and savor each bite.  That’s the difficult part.  Our insatiable appetite for more and more drives us to want to eat the entire elephant all at once, and then start on another journey to eat another elephant, and yet another.  Slow down and smell the roses.  This may sound easy, but it’s not.  It takes work, planning, and most importantly, self awareness.

Assignment for the Week

If you are going on a long journey this week, perhaps to visit relatives or friends, you can practice the art of enjoying the journey.  When you are on the road, take everything in that you can.  Observe as much as you can and become fascinated with it all.  If you are a passenger, this is easier to do.  If you are on an airplane, this is very easy to do because just the fact that you are flying thousands of feet in the air should be enough to spark some sort of awe, and gratitude!  Be grateful that you have the means to travel at will around the world.  Some people do not have that luxury.  Be grateful for the family and friends that you are visiting this week.  Enjoy the entire journey and try not to think of the end of the journey.  Practicing this type of deliberate enjoyment will have compounding effects on the rest of the smaller journeys that you take, including the journey of life itself.

Enjoy the ride.

Dr. N

Disconnect to Reconnect

Disconnect to Reconnect

Sometimes resilience is forcing yourself to find a gold nugget hidden in a pile of rubble and garbage. It’s about making lemonade out of a bunch of lemons. Resilience is easy to understand; yet not so easy to practice. In the wake of last week’s hurricane, those affected by it directly sort through destroyed possessions, trees and even homes, and try and make sense of it all. To be truly resilient, one must try and find something good in the wake of disaster. For the majority of people that lost power for almost 2 weeks, and were without cell phone service for half that long, we revisit the old adage of “disconnect to reconnect” to find something good to talk about.

Technology

Technology is a great thing.  It allows us to travel great distances.  It allows us the freedom to communicate with friends and family.  It lets us know up to the minute information about our weather, our economy, and the very pulse of our society.  However, technology has a dark side.  The very technology that benefits us so much is threatening the very core of our own existence.  By being so connected, we never give our brains a break from analyzing, processing, and acting on information.  Even if that action is a simple click of a like button on your favorite social media site.  By keeping our brains continuously engaged in this manner, technology affects directly our resilience.  Resilience is the process by which we react to stress and bounce back quickly before, during, and after a stressful situation.  Our brains need a period of recovery to be able to bounce back.  If we let it, technology stops our brains from recovering properly.  

Technology comes in many forms.  Television, mobile phones, computers, cars, movies, etc.

Awareness and Technology

 You know what technology is and you know how it can pull your brain away from simply being aware and in idle mode.  To practice awareness, you cannot be engaged in technology. To be truly aware of your surroundings, one must disconnect the thinking part of the brain and simply take everything in that surrounds you in the moment. Not thinking is something that, when we are engaged in technology, we simply cannot do. Try not to think the next time you pick up your cell phone. Unless you are taking in the physical dimensions of the phone or the color of the case, you are engaging your brain in some dimension when you turn the device on. Being aware and being engaged with technology cannot happen at the same time. That is why we need to disengage from technology. Some phones have a feature that tells us how much “screen time” that we consume in a week’s time. This is an interesting feature because it gives us direct feedback into how much time we spend not being aware and thinking. And, by the way, that only counts your mobile device screen time. How much time do you spend watching television or on the computer at work? This counts towards your screen time.

Looking at Clouds

As a kid, and even as an adult now, I often times look up at clouds when I have time to disengage from my daily life. Clouds have a calming effect and have the ability to bring you into the present moment. They change very slowly and can remind you of objects or even animals at times. I often tell my kids to go outside and look at the sky when they have been inside looking at screens. Balance is key here. If you spend too much time on your technology, you can’t be aware and your brain is constantly engaged in some type of thinking activity. This can become an addiction of sorts where you never stop your brain from being engaged. This can lead to fatigue, depression and certainly making the wrong choices, as negative thoughts enter your brain from too much engagement with your technology.

Assignment

This week, you assignment is to take one day and start a log and see how much time you spend engaged with technology.  Compare that time to time spent fully engaged with humans.  How do the two compare?  Next, take a day and disengage from technology unless you absolutely have to do it. Perhaps Sunday is a good day to do it. See how it feels when you put your cell phone in a drawer and walk away from it for a day. Tune off the television and go outside and look into the sky.

“Lean into it!”

Dr. N

Thy Will Be Done

Thy Will Be Done

Around 70 thousand years ago, something happened to the brains of our ancestors that would change the course of our species forever.  Perhaps a genetic mutation or divine intervention?  This event, known as the cognitive revolution, caused our brains to do something that no other organism on the planet could do until that point and has not been able to do 70 thousand years later.  This ability is something that we take for granted; however, it is part of the very fabric that makes us human.  This ability is the notion that we, as humans, believe in and decide to believe in things that are not physically real and are in our imagination.  This belief in concepts and ideas is the cornerstone of our existence as humans, and is the reason why we dominate the planet, both technologically and societally.  Believing in such things as our countries, the financial systems, our legal systems; all these things do not physically exist and we cannot necessarily see them, but our very existence and order depends on them.  In fact, we sometimes tend to make things more real than they truly are, for example giving human names to hurricanes and storms; in fact giving them life, even though they are nothing more than planetary events caused by temperature changes, atmospheric pressures, and other naturally occurring phenomena.  Believing in concepts and laws is part of what psychologists call, higher level thinking.  Embedded in this concept of higher level thinking is the ability of humans, unlike any other animal on the planet, to have free will that often times may even go against the very genetic code that brought us to where we are today.

Human Behaviors: Your Will Defines You

Very few animals on the planet exhibit the level of emotional connectedness that we humans exhibit.  We are connected technologically by world networks that broadcast the latest news in real time.  We receive instant messages from far away relatives and friends, letting us know in intricate detail the feelings and actions that are being manifested in the moment that they are experienced.  Is this technology the byproduct of our emotional connections?  Or is it the technology that has brought us closer together?  I believe that the former is true.  We have always been more emotionally and cognitively in tune with each other.  It’s what makes us human and both a blessing and a curse.  Our ability to choose a more positive approach, even in the face of a negative shower defines us as humans.  We have the ability to behave and energize both ourselves and those around us during dire situations, and with the proper training we can even overcome some of the most dangerous and stressful situations that may even threaten our own lives and those around us.  

Bad Things Defined

I remember shortly after my father died, my mother read the book When Bad Things Happen to Good People.  After my time in the military, and countless analysis of performances during missions, I realized that the definitions of good and bad are left up to the interpretations of those who define the terms.  Furthermore, if you study Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or Cognitive Re-Training, you begin to understand that no single event in your life is inherently good or bad; everything is a learning experience to build your character and help others who have not experienced what you have experienced.  If you approach life with this paradigm, you feel effective, happy, and empowered and are less likely to fall prey to depression and feelings of being overwhelmed by the trials and tribulations of life.  

Our Decisions Define Who We Are

In the end, we are the sum total of all the decisions that we have made in our lives.  Our free will drives the decisions that we make or do not make.  Even not making a decision is a decision.  I learned this early on in my military career when learning how to survive an ambush.  Not making a decision in the critical fatal funnel of an ambush was a decision, a decision that would likely get everyone, including myself, killed.  Making decisions based on knowledge, experience and  training defines who we are today and sets the stage on who we will become tomorrow.  When something happens in your life that causes you stress, view it as an opportunity to rise to the occasion and define who you will become in the event.  Your actions during those situations will not only define you in the present moment, but will define you as part of your legacy. 

Assignment

Tune into your free will this week.  Identify certain events in your life that bring your stress and see how you can use them as learning experiences instead of having them control you.  What steps can you take to accomplish this mission?  How can you view your situation as a learning experience to help others in the future?  Understand that when you view your life through this lens, you elevate your own tragedy into something that not only gives you meaning, but may even potentially help someone else in some future predicament.  

“Lean into it!”

Dr. N

Decision Making

Decision Making

Decision making is something that we do as humans. Of course other beings make decisions, but to be human involves much more complex thought and often times, collaboration to make the right (or wrong) decision.  What goes into your decision making?  Is it emotion or logic?  Perhaps a combination of both?  Rational decisions during times of crisis can mean the difference between life and death; however, do emotions play a role as well in these situations?

Emotion

Humans need emotions.  Put simply, if emotions were not necessary for our survival, we would not have them or express them so readily.  Emotions can be heard over the phone when you talk with someone.  They are easily seen on someone’s face when they are excited or sad.  Emotions even are part of our smartphones when we text using emoticons.  That is how important emotions are to us. Emotions are the glue that binds us all together as humans, making our communication (and decision making) effective, especially in critical situations.  When someone runs into a room and yells, “Fire!” everyone knows what to do and quickly, unless it is some sick prank.  We are all connected emotionally to one another.  Essential for survival, it is easy to see why emotions play such an important role in our decision making.

Logic

On the other side of the decision-making matrix is logic.  We have the capacity to systematically break down or analyze a situation or issue to get to the root of what it is that we need to do.  Analysis takes time and effort to do it properly.  When we have the time, we can use our rational brains to come up with innovative solutions.  This is where collaboration or brain storming comes into effect.  We can collaborate as a team to make a more informed, collective decision with more perspective than a single individual.  By using critical thinking, we take the emotion out of the decision-making equation and just look at the facts. 

Emotion or Logic 

When should we use emotion and when should we use logic?  Yes. What kind of an answer is that you ask? We should use both logic and emotion to make our decisions, because both bring a certain aspect of what it means to be human to the decision-making table.  We use logic to decipher and analyze when we have the time and use emotion to communicate the decision in real time, in order to effectively communicate what is going on.  If you leave the emotion out of your communication, individuals may get the wrong impression of what it is you wish to do or not do.  Emotions are very important to decision making.  On the other hand, if one does not analyze and construct an objective matrix from which to make a decision, then the decision will lack the direction and support needed to come to fruition.  I have seen both decisions made from pure emotion or pure logic fail miserably; you need a combination of both for a decision to succeed in the long-run. 

Assignment

This week, take notice of the decisions that you make.  Are they based on logic or emotion?  What side of the equation do you like to make most of your decisions.  Work on the side where you are weaker.  Remember that when you are introspective, you must be honest with yourself in order to improve.  Ask one of your peers or significant other for input into your decision making.  Are your decisions more logical or more emotional?  Does your self-analysis differ from what they think?  Why?  Remember that a healthy combination of both emotion and logic are necessary for a decision to make it in the long-run.

Dr. N

Prescription: Nature

Prescription: Nature

The little things are the big things.  When you do little things well enough and consistently enough, they add up to the big things and make an exponential difference in your life. Communing with Nature is one of those little things, if done every day and consistently enough, can have huge impacts on your physical and psychological wellness.  We have all heard the age old story, “when I was a kid, I would stay outside all day until the lights came on, and that was my signal to go back home.”  These stories are as common as the air that we breathe; however, how many of our trips outside have been replaced with trips to the computer, or worse, simply lifting our cell phones to our faces when we feel a buzz or hear a warning sound?

Where Time Began

I have always been fascinated with history and how our forefathers lived and what they did.  I think, to a certain extent, we all are fascinated with how we go here.  We may not know 100% about how our ancestors lived, but one thing that we know for sure is that they spent more time outside than we did.  How much time?  That depends how far back in history you go.  Hunting and Gathering societies were dominant around 12.000 years ago, when we had the beginning of the Agricultural revolution and the beginning of permanent settlements to farm the land.  Hunters and Gathering groups spent the majority of their time outside, and even farmers spend a fair amount of time outside and perhaps even more connected to nature and the land then their ancestors.  Somewhere around 200 years ago, we had the Industrial Revolution and what we call modern times.  It’s safe to say that our brains are wired to be outside, since only until recently we have moved indoors and travel in artificial machines, propelling us around the planet at unimaginable speeds to our ancestors that walked all over the planet, making primitive fires to stay alive.  

Insidious Stress

If you are a fan of Star Wars, you will understand the meaning of what is by far the greatest villain to ever visit you in a galaxy far far away.  Darth Sidious was the quintessential Sith Lord, fooling even the most powerful Jedi Knights into believing that he was not evil even though he was, and whole time right under their noses!  Stress is like Darth Sidious in that it can be present even if you don’t now it is.  The foods that we eat, the unhealthy relationships that we foster (steeped in gossip and other unhealthy behaviors), the artificial lives that we lead, the noises that are exposed to, the toxins that are present in the air that we breath; all these stresses play a role in our health, or unhealthfulness.  So what do we do about it?  Nothing?  Enter Nature.

Nature as a Spiritual Remedy

Communing with nature may be our easiest way to combat the hidden stresses of our lives.  The definition of communing is simple, sharing oneself on an intimate and spiritual level.  This does not happen by accident or by simply stepping outside of your car or house.  Communing implies purposeful action on a spiritual level. Communing with nature predicates purposeful, mindful action, perhaps with some friends or perhaps by yourself, whichever works specifically for you.  When you commune with nature, your goal should be to become part of the system and actually feel yourself connected with the entire ecosystem that you find yourself in.  The keystone to communing is being eternally grateful and in awe of everything that is around you, while at the same time placing yourself as part of a force much greater than yourself.  Let yourself feel the awe, you may feel vulnerable, but that is OK.  If you are in the mountains, be still and feel the wind blowing through the trees.  Take it all in.  If you are near the ocean, place your feet in the ocean and tune yourself into all the living things that are now touching you, by virtue of the water rushing past you.  Allow yourself this basic communion, the rewards will be priceless and reduce your stress.

Assignment

Dedicate some time every day to commune with nature, wherever you are.  Don’t simply go outside with a computer and call it communion.  Come from a place of gratitude and awe and allow yourself to feel.  Simply feel.  Think about how primitive humans were in touch with the environment around them and let yourself go there.  Remember that you are hard wired to feel this; you are here right now reading this because of that innate feeling.  When you get back inside, write down what and how you felt about the experience.  Share your feelings with others who are doing the same exercise.  After the week has gone by, write down what you learned from the experience of communion.  If you do this long enough, you won’t feel the same unless you have your daily communion with nature.  All it takes is going outside…

“Lean into it!”

Dr. N